Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

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She struggles to keep herself still. Her left hand playing with her earrings, her right one fidgeting through her hair. She knots her hair up in a bun, pulls down wisps of hair here and there. She checks herself out in the compact mirror she just pulled out from her bag, scrunched her face in dislike and took the elastic off her head. Her hair falls beautifully around her face. Better. She actually likes this better than the bun. She smiles at herself in the mirror, then stops as if in shock. She has lipstick stains on her teeth. She tugs at her table napkin and hastily wipes the blood-red paint off her pearly whites. She smiles again, and smiles wider now that she has fixed the mistake.

She takes a sip of her water and leaves a perfect lip stain on the glass. She seems to like it as she did not try to wipe this one off. She looks at her watch and sighs loudly, disappointment and slight annoyance clear in her expression. Her dinner companion is running pretty late. She reaches for her phone at the table, taps at the screen and sends a message. She puts it back on the table, and the phone immediately blinks back to life. She breathes a sigh of relief as she finished reading the message. Her companion must be arriving soon enough. She pats her hair in place and settles back down into her chair.

Her face lights up as a man enters the restaurant. She sits a little taller giving a vigorous wave and beckons the man over. She picks off her bag from the seat beside her, clearly wanting the man to sit close to her. But the man takes the seat across the table, gives her a brief smile that does not quite reach his eyes. She reaches out her hands to touch him, he moves a quarter of an inch away. She did not miss the gesture and retracts her hands as if she’d been burnt. A thousand thoughts runs through her mind, all of them leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. She squirms in her seat. She struggles to keep herself still.

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The weather in Manila has once again gone berserk. These past few days, it was pouring down hard. But today, the mighty sun’s rays pierced through my bedroom window and roused me from sleep before my alarm clock did. Annoying! Unfortunately, I had ~girly pains~ so I decided to go to work late, (12-9pm) instead of the usual 9am-6pm  shift.

 

The other day, I watched The Amazing Spider-man. Andrew Garfield is oh so hansummm! But Emma Stone elicited more squeals from me, heh. I just love her to bits. 🙂 But I like her more as a brunette. It’s as if the blonde hair softened her personality – well maybe that was the intention after all since the role she plays in this movie is not really a gutsy/ quirky one. In any case, the movie was still great. It was too great, I even dreamt about the slimy lizard villain. Ulk. Movie #37 out of my target 100 for the year. 🙂

 

Then yesterday was the hump-est of all Wednesday humpdays. I woke up feeling depressed and lost. I felt as if I am not having the most quality relationships. But then I keep questioning if I’m just being choosy and nit-picky. Bottomline: I keep liking people who don’t like me back. And the people who actually like me? I question their intentions and push them away. Bah! I just can’t with all these feelings.

 

It makes me wonder if I am already on the onset of my so-called quarter life crisis. For crying out loud, I am just about to turn 25 in more than a month’s time and this quarter life shite dares to show its ugly face this early on. Meh.

 

But then again, maybe it’s just the PMS… Oh the joys of being a girl!

 

 

 

A couple of weeks ago, I went on a solo trip to Baguio City. It was the first time that I travelled to an unfamiliar place alone and it was refreshing – I would love to do it again in the future. I would just like to share with you my thoughts which I scribbled on a napkin while having my lunch at a quaint cafe in the chilly city.

Many people are afraid to be alone. But not me. I love solidarity. I love the peace it usually brings. I am not afraid to be left alone with my thoughts.

Being alone means you can be yourself. You could order anything you want from a menu and not worry about how it would keep up to everyone’s differing tastes and expectations. Anyway, EVERYONE is only YOU.

You could eat as little (without the risk of appearing too prissy or timid or anything) or as much (without people judging how much of a pig you are) as you want.

Being alone brings a new sense of courage. Be not afraid of your decisions because you are not deciding for anyone else but you. You can take the risks, get lost in the crowd, or take the wrong turn. No one else will scold and scoff at you for the wrong decisions.

When you are alone, take time to evaluate how you feel about it. Because really, if you cannot be alone with yourself for a little while, how else could you expect someone else to be with you for the rest of their lives?

01/21/2012 || 01:00pm || Cafe by the Ruins || Baguio City